So its that time of year again, the card stores are all done up in pink, naked winged children adorn every place of business and smile at you as if to say "Don’t you wish YOU were in love?" You see the strange phenomena of people pairing off and holding hands and you just don’t get it. When you go to the mall the normal drone of MUZAK is replaced by repulsive soft rock ballads that make your ears burn. You overhear a guy talk about the diamond pendant he just bought his girl and all you can think of is how much RAM that could buy. Yes single techies, the day of reckoning is upon you: It’s VALENTINES DAY!

Yessiree another year, another Hallmark moment that makes you feel like a total loser if you’re not: spending outrageous amount of money, making promises you don’t intend to keep and scrambling to make reservations at restaurants that were booked up months ago. And if you’re a single techie the feeling is even more intense. But I say to you the single techie, mourn not on this binary holiday, and instead have fun and if at someone’s expense, even better.

Here are our Top Five Alternative Ways to Spend Valentines Day for the Single Techie to spend this sickeningly sweet, rot your teeth, mind and anything else within radius, holiday. Read on Single One’s! Read On…

Number Five : Watch a Hyper Violent Movie

I Eat Naked, Winged, Arrow Toting Babies for Breakfast…

That’s right, get yourself something done by Schwarzenegger or Jean Claude Van Damme, grab some REAL butter popcorn, a six pack of Jolt, pop that puppy into your DVD player, crank the surround sound to 11 and bring on the noise. Nothing makes mushy romance seem miniscule when watching Arnold pump some guy full of lead for not parking his car right or Van Damme spin kicking that obviously evil guy in the nice suit for killing his masseuse. Nope, no substitute for a body count and a few good one-liners. It’s like the crack cocaine antidote to sighing kettle syndrome (aka single on Valentines Day).

Number Four : Lose Yourself in an RPG

So you don’t like our reality on Valentine’s Day? Why not take a 24hour vacation from yourself and live in a role playing game like World of Warcraft. Sure in this world you’re a dateless dweeb on a night of princes and princesses, but in World of Warcraft you can be a fearless Human Warrior or a sinister Undead Warlock who can get whatever they want and BY ANY MEANS.

With a Guild Like This, Who Needs Sex?

Pull the phone jack out of the wall, lock the doors, grab a Costco size bag of cheezies plus equal size Dr. Pepper, turn the lights off, set your eyes on blink once a minute mode and throw yourself into that other world. After the twentieth hour you’ll believe that you ARE that fearless Warrior and that your other life was just a dream. And as for LOVE, love is something the right amount of experience points and gold can’t buy.